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How to set yourself free to create a life you love<\/span><\/p>\n The answer is to forgive yourself unconditionally.<\/span><\/p>\n The journey to forgive myself was definitely a long one. I have been practicing forgiving everyone and everything for the past few years now. I can proudly say I feel much happier and energetic every morning when I wake up because I have lifted the burden and resentment from my shoulders.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n However, I just realized that I can easily forgive anyone other than myself. The thoughts of regret can sometimes creep in without my awareness. I feel a lot of guilt about the way I was dealing with my two sons’ academic performance when they were young.<\/span><\/p>\n Now is the time to clean all those regrets up about myself once and for all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Forgiving yourself is part of self-care, and self-care is essential for our mental and physical health. Most importantly, the act of forgiving yourself can free up brainpower to create a life you love.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Hearing both of my sons playing with their friends online, laughing, shouting, and talking fills my heart with joy and appreciation. <\/span>They both drove home together safely from Southern California a few days ago. Their summer breaks have officially started. <\/span>It seems that just in a split second, they’ve grown up right in front of me. Among many titles of mine, being a proud mom is probably the best role over everything for me. However, a peaceful and happy household was only a dream before.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n I wish I could go back through their childhood to fix everything that I did wrong. If only I had the knowledge and the wisdom I have today, I would do a lot of things differently. Equipped with knowledge and learning for personal development, I would focus on more self-directed learning instead of focusing on standards from school, society, and communities.<\/span><\/p>\n What I have learned from raising my two sons is that how you learn is not that important compared to what you learn.<\/span><\/p>\n You can learn almost everything and anything by yourself nowadays. You can learn online, you can go to school or not go to school. Before Covid 19, a majority of people would think students must go to school or even think they had to go to the best school in order to learn useful knowledge.<\/span><\/p>\n According to childhood expert Annie Holmquist, \u201cCurrent Education System will Soon Disappear.\u201d <\/span>I kind of agree with her point of view. Maybe not right away, but slowly evolving to be more suitable to an individualized learning style instead of a one size fits all learning environment for the current educational system.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Now more than ever, students have more choices with technology to choose either homeschool and personalized learning vs a traditional school classroom setting. We all know, students can learn almost anything at home from a virtual classroom.<\/span><\/p>\n My two sons are both enrolled in online classes for college. They don’t have to spend time going to a physical classroom. One advantage of remote learning is they now have extra time on their hands to learn more skills that school does not teach, such as how to make money online and how to trade stocks.<\/span><\/p>\n I am glad that I had shifted my attention from their grades a few years ago to their self-directed learning. I don’t think good grades can mean a happy and fulfilled life unless they really like what they are learning. <\/span>I heard some teenagers are trying to get good grades to please or impress their parents and teachers by paying someone else to do the work.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0Will you still insist that your children need to have perfect grades?<\/span><\/p>\n Would you still have high expectations for your children, but your children are suffering from subjects they dislike or hate?<\/span><\/p>\n What is the main purpose of learning anything?<\/span><\/p>\n Are we supposed to learn and use learnings for creating a better future?<\/span><\/p>\n Or Do you learn for better grades to impress people?<\/span><\/p>\n Do you think good grades can guarantee a better future?<\/span><\/p>\n I remember my answers were all yes before, but not anymore.<\/span><\/p>\n Good grades to me only mean that you are interested in the subject and you have fun learning it. <\/span>Other than this scenario, what is the point of even getting good grades?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n From my son’s kindergarten to 7th grade, I was like most parents. I thought they had to focus on getting good grades and that good grades were everything. <\/span>I regretted it as I was influenced by social norms so much during that time. Such as, they had to practice piano every day, they had to have good grades in every subject, etc.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Thank God, my husband and I finally realized that there was no point in forcing my two sons on trying to get perfect academic performance and piano skills. I was even a victim of an educational system that only focused on academics in China when I was young.<\/span><\/p>\n Why did I want them to repeat my suffering?<\/span><\/p>\n I made a decision to give up on checking both of my son’s report cards when my younger son got into 7th grade and my eldest son was in 9th grade when both of them had protested against practicing piano. No more freaking learning and practicing piano. As a result, they both excelled in their own choices to join their favorite bands.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I wish I could’ve listened to my son’s voices so much sooner. <\/span>I even thought it was my responsibility to force them to do something they were not happy doing for many years. There was a lot of fighting and shouting and crying at home during that time. Almost every day my home was like a battlefield. <\/span>I was simply just stupid and dumb to be influenced by some crazy ideas that getting good grades could lead to a better college and that a good college could guarantee a better future.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n I was missing one important element, which was that my sons were not enjoying those things. I did not bother to find out or pay special attention to finding out their true interests.<\/span><\/p>\n Looking back, I have to forgive myself for following social pressure and trends for my son’s education. <\/span>What I have learned from all those years of reading and studying for personal development is that you have to allow your children to choose their interests and what they like. If they are not happy with what they learn, parents can end up with two results. One, you will have unhappy kids. Two, you will have a straight-A kid with a hefty bill attached with their report card ( but you don’t know it) at the end of the school year.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Either way, it is not an ideal way to raise a happy kid and a kid who loves learning.\u00a0<\/span>You are supposed to love what you are learning, otherwise, change the subject and your direction.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n I have to forgive everything and everybody in the past. This is the essential step to heal any wounds and negative emotions to eventually release power to grow and thrive. <\/span>However, I find it is much easier to forgive everybody and everything except myself sometimes. I thought I had forgiven myself. In fact, I still hold a lot of regrets in my heart.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n My eyes are filled with tears when I look back to when they were small boys. I remember I was worried about money, business, their grades, and future a lot. I wasted so much precious time getting mad about their grades and behaviors.\u00a0<\/span>If only I could understand that at the time, they were acting perfectly appropriate for their age. If I could go back in time, I would enjoy them more, good or bad, and anything in between. I would focus on reading and studying parenting skills like crazy to grow faster myself in order to parent them more wisely.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n My emotions were like a roller coaster at that time. I did not know I did not have to react anytime things did not go my way. So many things could trigger a spiral of emotions for me. <\/span>Thankfully, I never stopped learning and growing myself. I finally discovered my true self. I not only can love my sons unconditionally, but I can also love and forgive myself unconditionally.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n One thing I learned is that you have to be healthy and strong emotionally and physically to have a healthy and happy relationship with your children and your spouse. I am so grateful that I was ready to be a better parent before their pre-teenage years so that I could enjoy the fruits of my hard labor for an amazing relationship, even when they are teenagers.<\/span><\/p>\n Life is beautiful if you are willing to grow with them. Focusing on the present will bring you unstoppable joy and happiness. I am sure I will be a better mom tomorrow because I decided to be better today.<\/span><\/p>\n Life is full of choices and possibilities. You really do not have to force your children to get perfect grades and go to the perfect college.<\/span><\/p>\n In fact, there is not a single perfect standard on this earth, only perfect happiness.<\/span><\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How to set yourself free to create a life you love The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2313,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[12],"class_list":["post-2312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog-blog","tag-blog"],"translation":{"provider":"WPGlobus","version":"3.0.0","language":"zh","enabled_languages":["en","zh"],"languages":{"en":{"title":true,"content":true,"excerpt":false},"zh":{"title":false,"content":false,"excerpt":false}}},"yoast_head":"\n